Evangelism = Glamour

[Warning: this e-mail contains nothing serious about the ministry, only dealing with the lighter side of traveling. If you are pressed for time, you might just want to delete this and move on.]

Ah! The glamour of evangelism. Pulling a trailer. Driving a big truck. The smell of diesel. The romance of disappearing into the sunset after a week of preaching. Dumping sewage at 11:00 at night. Wait a minute! That isn’t part of the glamour that people think about.

Actually, it was while I was out of the country that I got an e-mail from my wife telling me that the trailer, in addition to having an ultra-full black water tank, also had a serious leak near the bedroom slide-out. The carpet was as wet as the Okefenokee Swamp and beginning to develop kindred odors. There was even some question at one point if the carpet might have come loose from its moorings and was beginning to float. The exhaust fan had been out of order for some time, causing the relative humidity of the trailer to steadily increase, much to the delight of the resident mildew population, which had long been in an ongoing struggle to stay hidden from our sight and still reproduce like rabbits. Finally, to close out the water problems, the black water was both audible and visible in the bottom of the commode, the great bubble that defied gravity barely settling below the black pipe when it burst with a gurgling sound. It was all part of the unseen glamour of evangelism that today is going to be published for the masses to consider.

My wife, seven and a half months with child and playing the role of single parent of three while I had skipped the country, had issued a family ultimatum that unless absolutely necessary, all of nature’s calls were to answered in the church facilities. The threat of a Great Dismal Swamp from the bathroom adjoining the existing Okefenokee in the bedroom seemed imminently ominous indeed.

Before the deluge could burst forth upon the family, however, help arrived for the hapless woman and her children. Around 9:00 Saturday evening, the door to the trailer opened without anyone knocking and the head of the household walked. He was greeted with children who immediately began dancing jigs (what does their mother teach them?) and jumping and shouting for joy.

Supper came and went, as did the ritual of unpacking the bags, their clothes and personal items crossing the Okefenokee to the closet and the empty bags being stowed in the dry storage bay. By this time, the hour was nearing 11:00. The task of preventing the Great Dismal Swamp, it was decided, must not wait until morning. It would be completed in the darkness of night.

It seemed such a simple task, however. Across the church parking lot, there was a sewer cleanout that offered a final resting place for the dismal contents in the full tank. There was nothing to it. Hook up the truck, pull the trailer across the well-lit parking lot, extend the hose from the trailer to the cleanout and pull the valve to release the undesirable contents. Because of the lateness of the hour, all three children went to bed and just took a ride while the trailer was moving back and forth across the parking lot.

Neatly and smartly, the truck pulled the trailer from its parking place to other side of the parking lot. With the skill that comes from repetition, the hose was put into place, its ends securely fastened both to ground pipe and trailer. In order to prevent the ground connection from blowing out of the pipe by reason of the pressure, a 4X4 post about 30 inches long was placed upon the hose terminus. The whole setup was foolproof. It would be only a matter of minutes and the trailer could be parked in its old position and the family in its entirety could retire for the night. Open the compartment. Pull the lever. Listen to the rush of the liquid as it exits the trailer never to be dealt with again.

Disaster required only seconds to strike. The black water was at full force now, accelerating at the rate of 32 feet per second into the ground. Suddenly, there was a horrible sound, similar to the sound of the water in a glass that is completely full and about to overflow. Before anyone could fully appreciate this similarity, water, black water, began coming out of the pipe at high pressure. The 4X4 post acted as a pressure valve, turning the black water hose and its contents into a sort of macabre high-pressure irrigation apparatus, liberally fertilizing the church grass with its nutritious contents. Before too much more damage could be done, the valve would have to be closed, but then what to do about the black water tank still remained a problem.

Some in the church had believed that this particular pipe was, indeed, a sewer cleanout. The member of the pastoral staff called upon to advise in this time of crisis, however, denied that it was. Rather it was some kind of landscaping drain, designed to take the gentle rainfall that ran off the paved parking lot and drain it out of sight into an underground drainage field. Forty gallons of speeding black water running through a 4-inch pipe were simply too much to handle at one time.

The flow was stopped now, but what to do about the remains of the spill presented a problem. In a short matter of hours, people would pull into this very parking lot literally dressed in their Sunday finest and least prepared for the olfactory greeting they might receive. The black water had to be diluted somehow so that it could harmlessly seep into the ground undetected. A few scoops of impotent odor neutralizer (no wonder they were giving it away) might help the drainpipe and what was outside the pipe would have to seriously watered down. By 11:30, this job was history and the trailer parked neatly back in its former place by 11:40. Finally, the whole family was in bed. Even evangelist families can only take so much glamour in one day.

Canada

Ministry Update

It was great to be in meetings in Surrey, British Columbia, Canada. The area is interesting and the church is a reflection of the unusual demographic of Pacific Coast Canada. The majority of the church is Asian, most of them Filipino. In fact, the Filipinos are the most faithful members of the church. There were unsaved people in the services, many of them people who have attended the church for months, if not years. The pastor in his evangelism here has to begin with the very basics of Christianity, answering questions like "What is the Bible?" and "What does God say about man?" By Friday, three people had prayed to trust Christ as Savior.

The differences between American and Canadian culture make for some interesting moments in preaching. One of the notable differences is metric system versus the English system of measurement. I was giving an illustration last Sunday night about a situation I was in where the weather was hot. Canada uses the Celsius scale of measuring temperature, which is based upon the freezing and boiling points of water, 0 being freezing and 100 being boiling. I was relaying a story in which I told the congregation that the temperature was about 96. In their mind, that is slightly less than the boiling point of water (approximately 205 by our way of measurement). In order to keep from exaggerating, I admitted that my temperature scale was different from theirs and tried to figure the conversion on the spot. Failing that, I finally just exclaimed to the mostly Filipino audience, "Well, it was Philippines hot." They were much amused by my reference to their country of origin.

This week, I am with my family once again in Yorktown, Virginia. I preached all day today, and the people seemed to really be blessed by my ministry here. Beginning tomorrow, we begin what is called Combat, an evangelistic teen outreach. Tomorrow and Tuesday, we canvas the area recruiting teens to come and Wednesday through Friday we have the service. Please pray for souls to be saved.

Gator Morals

Ministry Update

The Lord gave us a rather interesting weekend. We started out for the Maranatha Baptist Church of Yorktown, Virginia a day early on Friday of last week. After driving as far as Emporia, Virginia, we received a call from a member of the church staff telling us that they were not expecting us until September 28, two weeks later. We were scheduled to be in another church that week. After a few phone calls, I was able to get a replacement for my September 28 meeting so that we could honor the preparation that Maranatha had made as well as the preparation that the other church had made. In the end, both churches got to have their meetings when they had planned, but that left us with no place to preach on Sunday. After calling some friends in the area, the Lord opened a door for us to preach in the Great Hope Baptist Church of Chesapeake, Virginia, a little less than an hour from where our trailer was parked.

Financially, times were tight for us. The reason we continued on to the Tidewater area even though the church had not been expecting us was that we did not have the fuel or the money to go back home. In fact, when we arrived at Great Hope Sunday morning, we had an empty fuel tank, and empty bank account, and a nearly empty pantry back in the trailer. Pastor Godfrey of Great Hope Baptist Church was gracious enough, not only to give us an honorarium, but also to nearly fill our truck with fuel. The scheduling faults of men were overturned and God provided for our needs. We are grateful for the work that God did in providing for us in His usual, unexpected way.

Family Update

All is normal around the house, with the everyday squabbles over favorite toys and books, as well as the usual tattling over insignificant incidents. The other night, Abigail came in to tell me that Esther bit Josiah. As I launched my lecture on the evils of biting and its dire consequences, Esther happily shrieked, “I alligator!” Is it morally wrong for an alligator to bite someone – especially an evil pirate who is chopping at her with a sword?

We had a toy purge on Saturday in which all the old, broken, and unused toys were cleaned out and donated to the Goodwill. This is always done with much excitement on my part just to be getting rid of it, and on the children’s part because they think that, now that the old toys are gone, they will soon be getting new. This is a sad reality, because Christmas is not that far away, and we will once again be inundated with more worthless Chinese junk. However, for now, it is nice to have a little breathing room in the trailer.

Josiah is feverishly working on his loosest tooth, trying to wiggle it loose enough for me to pull out. He is such a snaggletooth already. I am not sure how he is going to eat with another missing tooth. Perhaps this is the answer to the astronomical grocery bill – just pull out all his teeth and he can live on Jello! Abigail keeps telling me she has a loose tooth, but it is just peer pressure.

For those of you who are waiting for my next piano arrangement book, I have good news. When our trailer was in the shop, I was able to write out several of my arrangements that have long been swirling around in my head. While they still need some editorial tweaking, the bulk of the work is done. Now I just need to come up with enough to fill a book – at least eight more arrangements. I would appreciate your prayers in this matter.

Finally Home

Ministry Update

The summer is over and the busy season of our evangelistic schedule is about to begin. The Lord gave me (the family stayed at home) a wonderful service in Calvary Baptist Church in Hendersonville, NC last Sunday. Calvary is without a pastor and the people were very appreciative of my ministry. I was able to take along a friend to provide special music, and the people enjoyed his ministry as well.

Later this week, we will hit the road, not returning to NC until November. We will start in Yorktown, Virginia and head west from there.

My book has completed the second and final round of professional editing. After I review the editorial suggestions, we move into the layout phase. So many have expressed their interest in the book, and I am more eager than ever to see it in print. I will notify all of you by e-mail when the book is ready, as well as give you complete instructions on how to purchase the book, should you so desire.

Recently, I taught a five-week Sunday school series on Baptist history in my home church. This series is available on both CD and DVD, should any of you be interested. I have also prepared a set of notes to accompany the series because it covers a lot of material. Should any of you be interested in obtaining a copy of the series for yourself, you may feel free to contact me.

Family Update

For the past week and a half, we have been homeless. Well, sort of. Our trailer had a front jack that was broken and was in the shop getting fixed. That meant that we trespassed upon the privacy of the Steve Hefner family. Steve is a deacon in our home church and a dear friend of ours (he accompanied me to Hendersonville last Sunday), at least he used to be before our kids got hold of his house.

Because of the many doctor’s appointments that Sarah had, I found myself babysitting my children much of the time. One time, my daughter Esther decided that it would be neat to take all of the toilet paper off the roll in the bathroom and put it in the toilet. A regular house toilet is an anomaly, you see, because it, unlike the one in the trailer, has standing water in it. So my darling daughter emptied the roll into the standing water and then decided that it might not be the best idea to stay there. She then reached for the plunger and tried to plunge it down. Failing this, she decided to mix it with the plunger, splashing water all over the bathroom floor and mixing into the water the residue from past plunger jobs. By the time we discovered her, she had managed to irrigate not only the bathroom floor, but also the carpet for a few feet outside the bathroom. My babysitting career seems to be on shaky grounds. There is this nagging fear that we have not yet discovered all the things that my children did to the Hefner’s house while we were there.

When I took my trailer in to the RV dealer for repairs, I instructed them to keep the unit plugged in because there was food in the refrigerator that needed to be kept cold. The dealership observed my wishes all the time they were open. On Saturday, however, a customer came by and decided to unplug the unit, causing the frozen food to melt and leak all over the house. Although the customer paid for the food that was lost, he could not replace some of our deer meat. Nor did his payment clean up the mess that was all over the kitchen floor. Oh well. At least we are home again. Cozy trailer where we trip over each other, sticky floor from leaky freezer, lingering aroma of spoiled food, empty fridge—we really are happy to back home.

I (Sarah) am glad to be home as well. There is just no place like home, whether or not you live in Kansas! Josiah is well into the school year, having started, at his request, in July. So, we have just passed the six-week mark. What a blessing that is! This will enable us to take a little time off when the new baby arrives in just about nine weeks, without stretching the school year into next summer. He lost several teeth this summer, the last of which was his top right front tooth. The left one is also very loose, and I wonder what strange sounds will proceed from his mouth when it, too, is gone. As of right now, he already whistles like Gopher on Winnie the Pooh whenever he says certain consonants.

About four weeks ago, after much prayer, we started Josiah on a new kind of treatment using whole food supplements specially targeted to help specific areas of the body. It was only after two weeks had passed that we saw some dramatic improvements. We had a temporary setback when he was accidentally given a snack not intended for him during church two weeks ago, but I think he is almost totally recovered from that now. He has had a lot of breathing treatments over the last two weeks, and now that we are home, I think that the number needed will decrease significantly. Please pray that the Lord will continue to give us wisdom and continue to heal Josiah’s body.

This past week was filled with trials for me personally, most of which came in the form of doctor’s visits. I had to take the one-hour glucose test on Thursday, and ended up being there nearly three hours. They told me after my visit that I had low iron and would have to see the nutritionist. Then they told me that I had failed the one-hour test by two points and would have to take the fasting three-hour test the next day. I went home in a huff and went back the next day to be stabbed and drained of my remaining blood (no wonder I am anemic) for the test. I had one “abnormal” reading out of the four, so they labeled me “borderline” for gestational diabetes and told me that I would need to see yet another nutritionist for that special diet. “We made an appointment for you next Tuesday at 9:30. Is that okay?” the nurse asked. This was the proverbial straw that broke the camel’s back. After two days of sitting in the office, having nothing to eat, drinking syrup for breakfast, and having the blood drained from my body one vial at a time, I could take no more. I told the nurse that if I couldn’t see the nutritionist right away, then I wouldn’t be coming back. Her eyes grew quite round, and I wondered if she thought I was going to get violent. I am sure my red face, bulging eyes, and grinding teeth were quite helpful in getting them to acquiesce to my demand, and, so, just a few minutes later I had completed all the necessary lectures and went home. I can almost laugh about it now, but it still irritates me. Perhaps when the bruises on my arm have disappeared I will be able to laugh at the look on her face. I only wish I could have seen my own.